I wish
by DrayMiaOnly
Summary: "...and then you reach the end. And you realize you're in an impasse, and that, somewhere along the way, you've lost yourself." It's about a Christmas Ball and, maybe, forgiveness. ON HIATUS
1. The Nicest Thing

**A/N: So... This is an attempt to find my Christmas Spirit. I really really really hate holidays and I wanted to do something fun in order to distract myself.**

**Summary: **After the war ended and Voldemort lost, Draco has been trying to achieve atonement. And he's doing a great job with everyone. But, a certain Gryffindor girl, is being a little difficult to be persuaded about his change of character. 4 years later in a Christmas Ball at Hogwarts Draco, finally, gains a chance to ask for forgiveness.

**Warnings: **EWE. characters might be OOC. Dramione pairing, written from Draco's P.O.V.

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own any of the characters. They belong to JKRowling. The plot belongs somewhat to me, although it's not terribly original so I cannot properly claim it.

**Note: **_italics_ in single quotes ( ' ' ) are thoughts, without quotes they are spells and/or something I wish to punctuate.

* * *

I scowled at my reflection inside the mirror.

I was wearing dress robes of emerald green velvet with a high collar, which, in my honest opinion, made me look like a vicar. An ocassion such as a Christmas Ball, had that affect on many people, I mused. Particularly on those who weren't comfortable in their own skin, to begin with.

Drowning my desire to tussle my hair until they are hanging off of my head in lifeless knots, instead I combed them neatly, making a parting to the left which seemed to make them scream _'I'm a pureblooded prat, and my mother styled my hair tonight_'. My scowl deepened.

With a whispered _celare imperfectiones_*, used as a camouflage to cover the extensive black circles, I managed to make the skin under my eyes to _not_ look as if it had been blackened with charcoal. Being awfully pale by genes though, I couldn't do much to also add some healthy color on my face. My lip quirked upwards in amusement, as a flash of a 14 year-old Hermione Granger, claiming she had had proof that Draco Malfoy was in fact an albino, jumped through my memory line.

The smile on my face faded. Last time I had seen Hermione Granger, 4 months prior, when we had accidentaly crossed paths in Diagon Alley, she had only spared me a nasty glare, turned on her heels, and fled as far away from me as possible.

I had mend my relations with everyone after the war had ended. And the statement included one _Harry-The-Saint-Potter_. The only person that refused to even give me a chance to apologize formally, was the boy-wonder's trusted sidekick, _Hermione-bookworm-extraordinaire-Granger_. And by refused to listen, I mean jinxing me on the spot, demanding -and I quote- to '_stay the bloody hell away from her, if I value my well-being_'.

The last, and only, person I truly wished to be forgiven by, for my behavior and actions at school, and a large part of the war, wished to forget my existence. And, if able, bury me alive deep inside _Oblivion_ so that no one would ever be able to find me again.

Her presence will grace tonight's ball. And her glares, will burn holes through my face. Again.  
_'Oh what a lovely evening, I am preparing myself for.'_

With that thought in mind, I secure my wand in my pocket, for defensive purposes solely, and with a last glance at my reflection I make my way to the fireplace. Once inside, I take a deep calming breath and I floo to Hogwarts for the 4th Annual Christmas Ball, a newly adopted tradition since Voldemort had been defeated.

* * *

The Great Hall hadn't change, and I internally shuddered, remembering how my late Headmaster Dumbledore used to stare me down, like he knew every last one of my secrets.

The decorations this year were in traditional Christmas colors. _Red, gold, green and silver_.  
A fact that I percieved as ironic and so I let a chuckle under my breath.

I cannot help the look of wonder that spreads on my face as I look at the Christmas Tree. I have been seeing it 4 years in a row, and the size will probably never seize to amaze me. It is, by far, the largest, tallest, with the most thick branches, tree that I' am ever going to see. Heavily decorated with balls, angels, bells, ribbons, swirling lights and every other thing Christmas-y. Even candy.

"Hello, Draco. Merry Christmas." I heard a soft, gentle, voice behind me and turned to rest my eyes on Luna Lovewood. Standing in front of me, in the most outrageous dress-robes ever made. They were puffy, fluffy and frilly, red and green taffeta, and some other material I couldn't name.

Any other girl in that room, would look disgustingly hideous in this dress. Luna being... well_ Luna_, looked simply stunning.

"Well, hello there little weirdo. Merry Christmas to you too. And, how are you this fine evening?" I replied with a slight bow and a cheesy grin.

_'It's not my fault the looney girl is adorable.'_ She had always been gentle with me, even though I had been bluntly mocking her since the moment I met her. After the war, of course, she became the closest thing I have to a friend. Well, except Blaise and Pansy, that is.

"A bit distracted actually. A difference is approaching us, and I must admit I'm confused about the result. I have faith it will be for the best though." she said in her, ever, eerie tone and I frowned my eyebrows terribly disorientated.

"I'm doing very well myself, thank you." I assured her at my usual manner. It's a thing between Luna and I. We_ never _talk about the same subject, yet there's always a mutual understanding. I have no idea how we manage that.

"Save a dance for me, later, will you?" I asked her with a smile, and tilted my head to show her Blaise and Pansy that had just made an apperance through the Great Hall's heavy wooden doors.

She looked thoughtful for a second. "You won't be availiable later, Draco." she smiled dreamily and fled towards the refreshment tables, probably to locate Longbottom, before I had the chance to ask her what she meant.

* * *

"Merry Christmas, mate!" Blaise yelled inside my ear enthusiastically._ 'Ever count on this bloke to piss me off.'_

"Blaise, when I'm standing this close to you, what is the point in raising your bloody voice so much?" I hissed through my teeth arching an eyebrow.

"Oh, Drake. Stop scolding him. It's Christmas!" Pansy responded instead of him, leaning briefly to my side, to peck my cheek, with a large smile on her face.

I huffed and took a step back. Scrutinizing them both from head to toe, I decided that they looked like they had been shagging, up until the moment they opened the doors to enter the feast. Their matching outfits, formal robes in black and silver silk, were slightly askew. Their faces flustered and their hair subtly tusseled.

Shaking my head in amusement, I voiced my suspicions, delighted when Pansy's face turned a crimson red and Blaise cursed under his breath, punching my shoulder.

"Why, Merry Christmas, my dear snakes!" the playful remark, and a clap on my back, informed me of the presense of the Potters. Oh yes, that's _plural_. Harry grew a pair and poped _The Question_ to Ginny a year ago.

"Pothead, Weaselette. Always a pleasure. Happy Christmas." I laughed as Ginny corrected me about the fact she's no longer a Weasley.

"I am aware, Ginevra. Potterette isn't catchy, though. Now, is it?" I required and she giggled.

As Pansy allured Ginny in a conversation about their dresses I tuned them out. Blaise, claiming he had spotted Theo and Greg, left to fetch them. Thus, I found myself staring inside vividly green eyes having no idea how to voice a question, that seemed to burn my tongue, from the moment Potter and that little wife of his entered my visual ray.

"So, how is... The Weasel? I haven't seen him recently." I asked nonchalantly having changed my mind at the last minute and having decided to go for this the sneaky way. Well, in my case, the _usual_ way.

"Ah, you know Ron. He's head over heels with his team. Always on a pitch practising for _'Puddlemere United_'**. He's doing quite well so far." he replied and I could hear a subtle proudness in his voice, for his oldest friend's achievements.

"Oh, how nice." I nodded my head and mentally _slapped_ myself for the pathetic answer.

He sighed. "Hermione is behind you and to the left. Talking with Dean Thomas and Seamus Finiggan. See her?" he asked as I jerked my head to said direction, before I had the time to stop myself._ 'So much for a subtle approach on the matter.'_

_'Merlin.'_ My breath hitched in my throat and I gasped. Indeed there she was. Dressed in a red silky dress that rested just above her knees. It had long sleeves, and showed no cleavage, but her entire back was exposed. She looked like Santa Claus's little helper.  
_'Sweet Circe. So beautiful. What? No, no. Draco Abraxas Malfoy. What are you thinking boy?'_

Shaking the naughty thoughts from my head, I turned to Potter, who eyed me with a knowing smile on his face. _'Nice.'_  
"And you're handing me the information of_ her_ location, why exactly?" I asked, calmly inspecting my nails.

"Well, when I think of Ron, I automatically think of Hermione also. It's a reflex really, after spending all these years with both of them, it's almost as if they are _one person_ inside my mind." He explained, and I _wasn't_ certain of the reason his answer made me want to growl.

I swallowed thickly. "Naturally. Excuse me while I'm getting myself a drink, will you?" I replied in a hurry and practically stormed away from him, and to the opposite direction of Granger's.

* * *

**_several drinks, a couple of dancings and one disturbingly clingy girl, her name I wasn't familiar with, later..._**

I came face to face with the woman I've been avoiding all night.

I looked at her scowling face. Always so clearly displeased to see me. I knew it was only fair. None of her memories of me were pleasant after all, the opposite was ever the scenery.

I couldn't help but feel bitter, though. To feel a need for her to understand that I could have been _much_ worse. Yet, I wasn't. Members of my family had hurt her extensively, but_ I_ had never touched her. Not for not given an opportunity either. The mere reason was _I had never wanted to hurt her_. Simple as that. Not with my wand or my hands anyway.

"Granger." I acknowledged in a tone I hoped was strictly neutral. I didn't wish this to be another engagement in a petty, bad-tempered quarrel, for us.

"I heard you were here, somewhere." she stated, arms wrapped protectively around her torso. "Though I fail to phantom the reason." she mumbled under her breath, intentionally letting me listen to her stern comment, which hurt me more than I would care to admit. Her eyes were glaring daggers openly, waiting for a wrong word or move to crouch at defensive mode.

Ever the Slytherin, I swallowed a caustic retort reminding myself, for what seemed to be the millionth time, that I wanted this encounter to end _well_. For both our sakes.

"Look, I... I wanted to apologize, for all the harm that found you through my aunt's hands. It seemed appropriate to do so in person. I really am sorry, Hermione. I wish there was something I could do, to alter what has been occured."

The words were coming out wrong. I had been playing them in my head for over 4 years, with various alternations, yet when I looked at her, I seemed to block all coherent thoughts. All I could hear inside my mind was _I'm sorry_ playing in a loop, as if my brain believed that if I said it enough times she would forgive me.

To my utter surprise, her eyes opened widely for a second and her mouth dropped to the floor in shock. And then she was laughing. Humorless-ly, bitterly. And the cruel sound was twisting my stomach. _'Or was it my heart?'_

"You're sorry? Oh my, Malfoy" she gasped for breath "seems to me you have discovered a sense of humor." her face sobered in a flash, and, if I had blinked, I would have missed the change on her features.

"What are you sorry for exactly, Malfoy?" she demanded and I had never seen such an alarming amount of hate swim inside her eyes.

I tried to find the right way, desperate to not insult her and to make her see my sincerity. I opened my mouth and closed it again. After a couple of times I had done the same, lame, expression and she was still staring at me viciously, less than impressed with my pathetic imitation of a fish.

"Well? Out with it!" she sneered and I paused, and took a moment to be surprised, once more.

In all of our years at school I had never witness such expressions on her face. She would always either glare at me, or huff in frustrated annoyance, or -_her personal favorite_- storm out of the room without as much as another glance at me, to indicate her disdain.

And there I was, wondering if she had grown tired of me. If this was the one time, that she would not handle the situation with dignity, and she would rush to bite my throat. Not that I wouldn't deserve such treatment, when we were younger, but today I only wished to cast away the ghosts of our past. To give an opportunity to both of us to start this New Year, in a few days, with a cordial approach to each other.

"Can we talk, in private?" I asked curtly and her eyebrows shot so high up her forehead I feared they might get tangled in her hair. "You could hold my wand at all times." I rushed to assure her in an attempt to make her feel safe. And, if I were to be completely honest, I was relying on her wounded pride that she would follow me to prove she wasn't afraid of me.

With a huff, and her head held high she extended a hand to demand my wand, which I reluctantly surrendered. I tried to relax, telling myself she would _never_ use an unforgivable curse. Hexes and jinxes I could survive with.

She bided for me to follow her out the packed Hall and I did so quietly, scanning the crowd as we went through them to make sure we would remain unnoticed.

* * *

Granger leaded me to a classroom and entered swiftly. Once inside she spanned around to face me so quickly she gave me the impression that she was feeling vulnerable with her back turned on me. _'Not a good sign.'_ Hopefully she would relax in my presense through our conversation.

_'Now... Where to begin from?'_

She cleared her throat and only then I noticed I had been staring at the floor, in front of her feet.

"I..."_ am in a total loss of words. Smooth, Draco, really smooth.'_

"Again, explain to me what are you supposedly 'sorry' for." she demanded twirling my wand leisurely through her fingers.

"I'm sorry for every time, I called you a _mudblood_. I'm sorry for being a downright _git_ to you. I'm sorry I wasn't_ smart_ enough, or_ mature_ enough, to realise sooner what it would mean to become a Death Eater. I'm sorry for Buckbeak in 3rd year, for being in Umbridge's Inquisitorial Squad in 5th year, for attacking Potter at Myrtle's bathroom in 6th year, I'm sorry for not helping when you were dragged by Snachers at my house in 7th year."

The words were flying through my mouth, making me feel like an embarrassed child, when I realized how many things I had to ask forgiveness for.

But there was such a relief that flooded my veins. She was, finally, listening to me. After 4 years of trying and being rejected every time. It fell so good to be able to get all this out.

My life had been going well enough since I changed sides, yet there had always been a shadow around me.  
I hadn't been able to make things right with the person I had wronged the most. And it was slowly killing me.

"Give me one good reason I should believe you're speaking the truth." she said in a monotone voice that seemed misplaced coming from her.

Instantly my body went rigid but my heart started to hammer my insides.  
"I... What?" '_No, no, no. She had to believe me. She had to.'_

"Are you daft or deaf? Give me a reason, I shouldn't hex you, and lock you in here, hoping no one will ever find you again." she hissed through her teeth with malice.

_'Merlin help me for I do not know what more I can do_.' "Please... I'm sorry." I whispered pathetically, going against my Malfoy pride and upbringing. Anything to be able to actually sleep at night again.

I started to recount the last 4 years of my life to her. In a voice that if I had heard it and someone claimed it was mine, I would have been unable to identify.

"I still see you in my nightmares. Writhing from pain on the floor, under the cruelest person I had in my life. I _knew_ what my aunt was capable of. Believe me when I tell you she has done worse to me... To see her torturing _you_. I cannot describe what that night did to me. I still hear you scream. I still see the blood dripping from your arm. That vile word defiling your skin."

I could see her eyes turning almost black from rage. A rage so big and powerful, that made her whole body shake, with the effort to contain the destructive feeling. Her gaze was glaring daggers. Her hands were closed in fists, so tightly, her knuckles were turning white.

Her words came out from gritted teeth. Her voice the roar of a lion ready to attack it's first meal in a very long time.

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! You loathsome egoistic bastard! You have _no idea_ what that night did to me. Your aunt _destroyed_ me. That vile woman _branded_ me with a cursed knife and that 'mudblood' will stay on my arm _forever_. Molly Weasley said she was grateful that the knife wasn't also poisoned and I didn't have to go through a dark-magic infection."

"The worst part, though, wasn't the physical torture. Her voice will echo inside my mind forever. That awful crude laughter, her degrading judgement to me. Calling _me_ an animal when _she_ was the one that _carved my flesh_. She diminished my soul, that night. _My spirit_. Do you know how long it took for me to be able to sleep again? Do you really think I want to hear how _my scars _gave_ you _nightmares, Draco Malfoy? DO YOU?"

And just like that, her anger vanished. All that was left was her pain. Written so vividly across her face, one would think she was talking about something that happened yesterday, not years ago.

Heavy tears coursed down her reddened cheeks, in an attempt to sooth the burning flesh. The burning soul.

And I saw the little girl again. The one with the bushy hair and the buckteeth, that looked around the Great Hall on the night we were sorted to our respected Houses. She was alone in a world that was new to her.

Unlike then, now, in front of me, she wasn't hopeful and excited. She was lost and broken. And so terribly afraid.  
And I didn't know what to do. An urge to comfort her filled my whole existence, yet I was unable to act on it.

"How come, you didn't _betray_ us, that night? You may hadn't recognised Harry, but you knew who Ron and I were the minute you saw us." she all but sobbed, trying desperately to swallow back the offending tears.

"Yes, I knew... But I saw the girl from the train, our first day in Hogwarts Express, that searched everywhere for a toad a boy, she had just met, had lost. I saw the girl that guided Hagrid to take me to the Hospital Wing, when Buckbeak stepped on my arm, even though she _hated_ me. I saw the girl that fought my father and Dolohov, among others, at the Department Of Mysteries, and came back to school with a broken body but an _intact spirit_. I saw the girl that _refused_ to bow at my feet, that _fought_ me every step of the way, that _punched_ my bloody nose when I deserved it."

I replied truthfully, with a fond smile at the memories.

"I saw _you_. And despite our differences, you were so _familiar_, and I was so _proud_ of you. I saw you standing in my house, knowing your fate and being calm and composed, while I was almost at my knees from anxiety and nerves."

A nervous laughter escaped my lips, and I was positive that pink painted my cheeks.

"I saw you fighting with a fierce passion at the Second Wizarding War and you managed to come through it, still _innocent_ in your soul, as you were when we were 11 years old. And I cannot explain how you did all this and managed to remain the same bookish know-it-all, but I _envy_ you for it."

I finished panting for breath by the force of everything that came out of me. Looking straight inside her eyes, I prayed to Merlin one more time, to make her understand I meant every word.

"You want to learn a secret, Malfoy? You want to know why I was such an '_insufferable know-it-all_', as Professor Snape had said once, when we were at school?" she required with a gleam in her eyes that made me want to create a protecting shield in front of me.

Curiosity and a tiny dose of hope, that maybe I could still have the result of our meeting change in my favor, drove me to arch an eyebrow and motion with my hand for her to carry on. And when the first sentence left her mouth, mine dropped on the floor from the surprise.

"Because of _you_." She whispered softly, almost fondly, though I had a suspicion that my mind was playing tricks at me.

"Because when you called me 'mudblood' I decided to _always_ be better than you. Even if it was solely in academics. My goal, every year, became to top _your_ grades. Don't get me wrong, of course I loved studying, mind you I still do. But there was such a great satisfaction I gained from beating you in _every_ subject. And that was petty, but every time I saw you sneering at me in the hallways, I couldn't help but stare you down. Always thinking that you _deserved_ that I was first and you were second."

By the time she finished her speech she was staring at the floor. Making me think, that she was in a way, ashamed that she had taken pleasure in such a sinister way.

But all I could do was smile. She had been thinking about me, constantly, in all of our 7 years at Hogwarts.  
And, even though, I realized that her reasons was _hate_ and _loathsome_ and a need to _outdone_ me... I couldn't find it in my mind to feel pathetic, for being happy about the fact that there wasn't a single minute that she had ignored me.

I never had. Thoughts, about the contrast of her abilities and her status, where swirling in my mind. And I was forever _restless_, for not being able to explain the fact that a muggle-born witch was more talented and intelligent than the majority of her pureblooded counterparts.

Hoping she wouldn't hex me, or shrank away from me in fear, I cautiously closed the distance between us and raised my hand under her chin, to gently tilt her head upwards.

"Apart from studying, Granger, it was your _talent_ that made you stand out. Charms, Transfiguration, Potions... We had many classes together, I should know. You were _brilliant_, in everything. I know you won't believe me, but I _admired_ you for that." I told her, with all the sincerity I could master.

And then it happened.  
My very own, Christmas miracle.  
She smiled. A small and hesitant kind of smile. Her first one though, ever, that was aimed at me.

* * *

**A/N: *'**_celare imperfectiones_**' is latin for '**_hide imperfections_**' - it's not an actual charm, I made it up.**

_**Puddlemere United _**is a Quidditch team that plays in the British and Irish Quidditch League. They were founded in 1163, making them the oldest team in the league. Their robes are navy-blue robes emblazoned with two crossed golden bulrushes. Their location is possibly somewhere on the River Piddle in Dorset. The team has won the League 22 times and the European Cup twice. **_Oliver Wood_** joined as a reserve after graduation from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.**

**This fic is based on the song '**The Nicest Thing**' by Kate Nash. **

**The lyrics just screamed to me that they would fit well from Draco's point of view, because... well, Hermione is the nicest little witch ever so... **

**yeah. I'm rambling :| I do that a lot :-_ anyway...**

**You know what to do if you liked this, or if you have to point out any mistakes or give me some tips, anything... I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions.**

**Also, if there's affirmative response I might write a sequel... :_  
**

**Oh! And Merry Christmas everybody! :)**


	2. Someone Like Me

**A/N: So... this started as a one-shot. But Draco, apparently, has different ideas. **

**Honestly, I saw him in my sleep. He has a lot to say, and I shall NOT rest until he's satisfied. :|**

**Disclaimer: ** I do NOT own any of the characters. They belong to JKRowling. The plot belongs somewhat to me, although it's not terribly original so I cannot properly claim it.

**Notes:** _italics_ in single quotes ( ' ' ) are thoughts, without quotes they are spells and/or something I wish to punctuate.

**

* * *

**The 29th day of December, dawned frosted.

Sluggish haze, which seemed to impair visibility, even for the smallest of distances, was covering every corner of Wiltshire.

I lazily glanced at the clock, on my nightstand, and sighed deeply. 6.30 in the morning. For the first time in nearly 4 years, I felt really comfortable. The members of my body, still numb and drowsy, seemingly ached to move. Turning on my other side, I decided that it was really early - the world cold and the bed warm- and I closed my eyes again. To enjoy, for a few more hours, my mental peace.

* * *

Urgent tapping, against the glass of my window, woke me up. A petite, _burgundy_, owl with messy wings and slightly crooked beak, was glaring at me from behind the window's frame. Instantly recognising _Athena_, I threw myself quickly on my feet to retrieve the poor pet, and see what _Nymphadora_ had bestowed upon me this time.

_*flash-back*_

Reconnecting with the family of Aunt-Meda, was the greatest joy that I got, after the horrid period of the 2 years I spent as a Death Eater.

My cousin Nymphs, though she's never going to let me call her _that_, is the funniest, and tenderest being I've ever met. She's so fun to have around, that sometimes I find it impossible to believe that she belongs to_ my_ genealogy tree. She had accepted me at once, hands down-no questions asked, and she was quite protective of me, dare I say, with a fierce passion. I think, after the war, she wanted to start completely anew, throwing away all the past prejudges, much like I wanted.

Her husband, Remus Lupin, grew on me slowly, yet, steadily. I had only met _one_ werewolf in my life, Fenrir Greyback. The furthest thing from a friendly figure, that one. Thus, I admit I had been prejudged, at the beginning, about my former professor. Watching him tenderly fussing around their son, Teddy, I gradually relaxed and reveled at his presence. He was always extremely entertained with my fascination over Nymphs. After I explained to him, how I hadn't have many cousins, that I could _actually_ be proud of, I think Remus and I reached an understanding. I respected his past, he did the same for me, and all were well.

Uncle Ted, however, was the true _apocalypse_. Sadly, I hadn't had an actual chance to meet him, as he died shortly after the war had began. From Aunt-Meda's and Nymph's stories, I learned he was the most ingenious, patient -with his mischievous daughter- muggle in whole mother-England. Surrounded, constantly, by magic and fitting so well with it, as if our energy had always been a part of him.

I will forever remember the _relief_ on my mother's face, when she saw her beloved sister, for the first time, after nearly 18 years. Her and Andromeda locked themselves inside the atrium of the Manor's West Wing, for almost three days. When they emerged out, they were interacting with each other as if they had never been parted.

Mother and I had our first, _sincere,_ conversation, shortly after.

Thus, I discovered Narcissa had been a lonely woman, without Meda, in her life. She had been too much in love with my father, to act on her own wishes. Following his lead, she had alienate her favorite sister, and her only ally, in the House of Blacks, and had joined the Dark Side, terribly afraid she would have been disowned, had she act otherwise.

At 16, as were her years at the time, she had been too young, and naive, to imagine the reverberations of her inaction. The only thing she never accepted, was to be _branded_ with The Mark. Knowing my father, if she attempted to also prevent this upon _me_, she failed. I could hardly believe, he hadn't _force_ her to take the blasted thing. Perhaps the old man had loved her, sometime in his life, after all.

Narcissa concluded she had made a lot of mistaken selections. However, with Lucius in Azkaban, and Bellatrix dead, my mother finally had a chance to live her life the way she would _choose_.

As she confided to me, though, given a second opportunity she would do the same things all over again. When I asked her why would she do such a foolish thing, frowning at her thoughtful face, she merely smiled.

"To have you, would worth everything, and worse, my son. Never doubt that." she replied, and that was the _first_ time, since I had been a baby, I cried in front of her.

_*end of flash-back*_

Blinking rapidly, I softly traced Athena's feathers, dusting away snowflakes with my fingertips. While she was munching on an owl-treat, I extracted the parchment from her left foot.

_"Wotcher Drake! How 'bout lunch? In Hogsmeade?_

_Tonks"_

Smiling with mirth, I grabbed a peacock-feather quill to scribble back an answer, stating I would be meeting with her at 12.30 pm, outside _Dogweed and Deathcap_, explaining my need to buy a few _leaping toadstools_. Sending Athena back to Nymphs, I made my way to the bathroom, to take a much-needed shower before my appointment.

* * *

Leaving the Herbology shop satisfied with my purchases, I spotted Nymphadora leaning casually against the brick-wall on the side of the said building.

Her spiky hair, today, were steely gray in color, with blue-ish highlights. A sight I had been used to see every time she would schedule an outing with me. I had often teased her that she had a crush on my eyes, which earned me quite a few bumps on the head from her strong, Auror-y, hand. Knowing she had been a _Hufflepuff_, turning her hair to my eye-color, was her way to honor my presence and show me affection.

She was wearing her favorite, worn, purple shirt, with the Weird Sisters logo on it, and heavily-patched jeans. A leather, unbuttoned, cloak in spite of the cold weather, and weird-looking fluffy gloves who had pretty much every available color of a rainbow on them. A thick, velvety, black choker was around her neck, with 3 charmed bells hanging from it. Nymphadora never mentioned their purpose to anyone. In fact, it was a known secret, we weren't _allowed_ to ask.

"Well, Draco deary, if you kindly move your blasted feet a little quicker, it would be perfect. I haven't all day to waste on you, you know." she said in her usual, contradictory, manner. One could never be sure, if she was bluntly cursing you, or if this was her way to express joy for seeing you.

"Imagine I hadn't been half-an-hour early then, _Dora_! Oh the horror!" I stared at her with a mockingly terrified expression.

She laughed, grabbing me from my arm, to drag me along, as she started walking animatedly towards _The Geeky Chef_.  
It was a quiet little place, in the heart of the wizarding village, ideal if someone wanted a good meal and serene atmosphere.

"Now, _Black_. You know I never wait for longer than... 2 minutes. I would have apparated at that pathetic excuse for a Manor, you live in, to kidnap you instantly." she flicked her tongue teasingly, as a response to my raised eye-brow.

I had become accustomed, at being called by my mother's _maiden_ name, by Dora. She had stated once, I was too much of a _good_ person to bear the name Malfoy. A notion, I laughed at but was grateful for.

Opening the door of the restaurant, with a loud thud, she all but threw me inside, successfully startling the hostess in the process.

"Welcome to The Geeky Chef, how may I become of service?" the woman asked politely, still trying to recover from the shock. She was a snippy, chubby, witch with dirty-blonde hair that reached her shoulders, a round-shaped face, and a conservative set of robes, in dark orange color.

"We have a reservation, under the name Malfoy." I replied curtly. The woman nodded, and, after checking her heavy book, she escorted us to our table, at the back, left corner of the room.

We spent the next hour, pleasantly chatting for light topics. That was the thing with Nymphs. Being with her was like being on vacation, you would always have fun, even on the gloomy days.

After she, _reluctantly_, accepted to spent New Year's Eve at Malfoy Manor, along with Meda, Remus and Teddy of course, she dismissed me, to return to her office at the Ministry, and I paid my mother a visit to make arrangements for said event.

* * *

_**Later the same evening...**_

After I had nothing else to do, to pass the time, I decided to spent it at Diagon Alley. It was, honestly, a very nice place for a walk, at Christmas time. With enchanted lights, and ornaments, decorating every shop. Wizards and witches were running around, purchasing gifts, without worrying about the cold weather, since the problem could be solved with a simple warming-charm.

Passing outside from _Eeylops Owl Emporium_, I saw a Tawny-Owl, watching people curiously through his cage. The pet's under-parts were pale, with dark streaks, and the upper-parts were dark grey. He looked like the perfect present for Teddy, so I decided to arrange for him to arrive at the Manor, tomorrow.

I had already gotten, Teddy, a Christmas present, a Firebolt broomstick, which Nymphs found _excessive_ and complained about how I was _spoiling her child rotten_. She was going to hex me into the next century, for the owl, but, at least, my favorite little mate would be happy.

Nearing the end of the alley, I was about to turn and apparate back home, when I heard a bell ringing and, unconsciously, I turned towards the sound. A petite splurge, was coming out from _Flourish and Blotts_. A thick, dark blue, so long that it was almost sweeping the snow from the road, coat was covering the little witch from neck to toe. With the result, only for her, messy and tufted, hair to stand out. But that was enough, there was no need for me to see the face. I could have easily recognized the hair of _Hermione Granger_, within a crowd of a thousand heads.

She was carrying three, heavy and dusty, tomes that looked extremely old and fragile. _What an original sight_. Looking quickly up and down the road, she turned to her right, to go up the alley.

"Oi! Granger! Slow the pace down a bit, won't you?" muffling my sniggering, I increased my stride to catch up with her.

"What the- Malfoy!" she yelled exasperated, when she missed her next step, at the sound of my voice. With stunning reflexes, I watched anxious, she managed to remain standing.

Sighing with relief, I stood in front of her and grabbed her books, thus, giving her the opportunity to rearrange her posture. "What's with all these books, Granger? A present to yourself, for a bit of _light_ reading, are they?" I asked, amused at her frustrated huff.

"No, I'm simply carrying them around, for no apparent reason." she replied sarcastically, though I _thought_ I saw her trying to suppress a smirk.

"Do you have time for some tea?" I inquired hopeful, ignoring her nasty attitude.

Biting the plump, bottom lip of her pretty mouth, she shook her head negatively. "You'll have to excuse me, I'm working, right now." she tilted her head towards the shop she had came out of, and my mind clicked, understanding why she had the books.

"Oh! At the _bookstore_? How fitting." I laughed and she knitted her eyebrows, glaring, although, she didn't appear _really_ offended at my comment.

"How about tomorrow, then?" I asked, glancing at my watch nonchalantly, in an attempt to appear _casual_.

"Um... I can't be-" she started, to refuse, and I dropped the whole '_either way I don't care_' mask.

"Look, Granger, our discussion, on Christmas Eve, went well. But, there are still _many_ things you'd wish to know. And _I_ have many things to _explain_ to you. So... I'll ask again. Would you like to have tea, with me, tomorrow, _please_?" I watched her searching my eyes, and I haven't the slightest idea of what she found, but I almost did a happy dance, when she nodded.

"Alright, then. You're working tomorrow, though, right?" I asked frowning, and briefly wondered if she had accepted my invitation, only to let me know she can't make it, tomorrow, when I couldn't do a thing to prevent her retreat.

"That is correct. May I owl you, to set a time, according my schedule?" she inquired curtly, and I glower at her for a moment, being inexplicably suspicious.

"Of course. The _whole_ day, will be at my disposal, so fear not you'll create an issue." I relented, having no way to be sure, beyond reasonable doubt, she weren't bluffing.

I heard the large clock of the square, not far away from the very spot we were standing, tick _seven_, long and awfully loud, times.

"Oh, dear! I'm terribly late!" she exclaimed. She gave me an unblinking stare, as if she was trying to _memorise_ my face, grabbed the books back from my hands, and then, mumbling a salutation under her breath, she rushed away.

"See you, soon." I whispered pathetically, at her general direction.

Turning on the spot, I wordlessly wondered if she would _forever_ continue to run away for me.

* * *

**A/N: **_Athena_** - was the Greek Goddess of Wisdom. Her symbol was an _owl_, so I found it fitting to use her name for Nymphadora's pet.**

_Dogweed and Deathcap_**_ - _is a shop in Hogsmeade that sells exotic plants and flowers.**

_leaping toadstools_**_ - _are magical mushrooms which presumably have the ability to jump.**

_The Geeky Chef_**_ - _I'm not sure, but I believe it's not related to Harry Potter Series. I found it on google and liked the name.**

_Eeylops Owl Emporium_**_ - _ is an owl store which is located in Diagon Alley that sells owls and various owl supplies and food.**

_Flourish and Blotts_**_ - _is a bookstore in Diagon Alley, where most Hogwarts students purchase their schoolbooks.**

**I hope I didn't forget to explain anything. If I have, you can find it for me, right? Point it out, and I'll add it.  
**

**You know what to do if you liked this chapter, ****or if you have to point out any mistakes, or give me some tips. **

**I'd love to hear, well read, your thoughts and opinions.**

**The next one, shall be ready sometime withing the next week, maybe sooner. :)  
**


	3. Finding Answers, Forgetting Questions

**A/N: So... Happy New Year everybody! **

**Here it is, and I hope you'll enjoy it. It was the most interesting chapter I've written so far, I think. Even though the next one will be equally enlightening.  
**

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own any of the characters. They belong to JKRowling. The plot belongs somewhat to me, although it's not terribly original so I cannot properly claim it.

**Note: **_italics_ in single quotes ( ' ' ) are thoughts, without quotes they are spells and/or something I wish to punctuate.

* * *

I _knew_ this would a silly suggestion. I knew it, since the moment her owl left, with my little parchment of a note, attached on her claw-ny foot.

_Madam Puddifoot's_ teashop, was the last place I should have to take Hermione Granger. Yet, do to the peculiar topic of our conversation, pubs like _The Leaky Cauldron_, or _The Three Broomsticks_, weren't an ideal choice either. Too many ears, readily listening, and neither of us wanted to become a headline at _The Daily Prophet_.

And _The Hog's Head_ was out of the question, because, frankly, I was appalled at the mere thought of Hermione in there. Such a dirty, nauseating place isn't suitable for a girl like her. Hmm, better not dwell on that right now.

Luckily, with the students of Hogwarts away for the Christmas vacation, the teashop was almost empty. I could only hear one couple, talking in sedate tones, from somewhere on my right. But, currently sitting in an isolated booth, I couldn't see them.

The waitress appeared in front of me out of nowhere. Hadn't I known this was the shop's policy, for some odd reason, I would have been startled.  
She was no more than 16 years old, probably still in Hogwarts, working here only for the two weeks of vacation, from the school. She had red hair, not Weasley-red but a much darker shade, styled in tight ringlets. Her eyes, were an interesting, light blue color, but, they were lacking in expression which made them seem dull, almost blank.

I dismissed her curtly, saying I would wait until my... _friend's_ arrival, and then order.

I wasn't sure I could call Hermione _that_. But what could I say to the bored-looking girl?  
I'm waiting for a _ex-enemy_ of mine? I'm not _aware_ of our relationship status nowadays? A _soon-to-be friend_, perhaps? Would Hermione even want to become friends with me? Were these last few days a temporary truce? Would she go back to hate me, after there's nothing left for us to discuss, about our acrimonious past?

I sighed, and tiredly rubbed my face with my hands, deciding that my inner, insane, monologue was the aftermath of spending 7 years, in Severus's dungeons, brewing potions ardently, since it had been my favorite subject.

Severus... my poor godfather. Loosing him was... well, I still can't find the words to describe my grief. Had I known, during the Final Battle, that Voldemort had murdered him, I wouldn't have waited for Potter to do the deed and extinguish the bastard.

He was a grumpy old bat with everyone, except mother and me. Severus had been my favorite teacher, my mentor for the Dark Arts, a fact neither he, nor I, were pleased about. My only ally, when Hogwarts became the headquarters of the Dark Lord, and a protector, when father was in Azkaban, the first time.

He kept away all the slimy bastards, my father called his '_friends_', when they tried to lay a hand on the Malfoy fortune, on the Manor, on my mother. Rabastan Lestrange, Walden Macnair, Augustus Rookwood and many others, used to parade every day, inside my house, like the persistent _suitors_ of Penelope. Only, my mother's Odysseus was locked up, by his own, damn, fault.

I watched the snow falling, from behind the window, wondering if Severus would have been proud of the progress I've made. Oh, how I longed for his counsel and guidance.

* * *

Hermione came right on time, ever the punctual one, and seemed to be unaffected by the meaning of the location. I suspected she hadn't been on a _date_, during our Hogwarts days, or she would have identified the shop. I relaxed at that thought.

"Good Morning." she said, and smiled, and I almost forgot I had to answer.

"Good Morning, to you too. How's your day, so far?" I asked politely making chit chat.

"Insane." she replied, making a frustrated gesture with her hand. "Everyone has gone bonkers, with buying their last-minute-presents. It's a horrifying thing to witness, I tell you." she shook her head disapprovingly, and I would bet my dragon-skin boots, she's the kind of person, that makes her New Year's shopping, a week prior to the date.

"Oh, come off it, Mia. It can't be that bad." my mind realized, with some delay, what I had said, and my laughter died before it reached my throat. _'A pet name, Draco? Honestly, boy! Get a grip on yourself.'_

Before I could try to justify myself, the bored-looking waitress had appeared out of thin air, again. Resisting, with difficulty, at my urge to glare at the annoying girl, for scaring Mi-_'Hemione! damn it!_', I ordered Blue Moonstone Tea, not even paying attention to which flavor Hermione chose. Instead, I stared at the table, debating whether or not to bang my head, against it's wooden surface.

"Mia?" she asked, when that little huss... er... _the waitress_ left us, raising a dark eyebrow, and I took a calming breath, to help me choose my next words wisely.

"Your name is quite_ long_. And, as you know I'm terribly spoiled. I chose an easier one, purely for my benefit." I explained, to her and to myself both, though I have to admit I didn't _believe_ me. Apparently she had.

"I like it." she replied quietly, and so softly, I struggled to listen.

"May I use it, then?" I asked, gaining more confidence.

"You may." she nodded, and I wanted to tell her something, but I wasn't sure _what_ it was. Before I had the chance, to explore the strange desire, our drinks were on the table, and we took a few moments to add milk and/or sugar, according to our preferences.

"So... do tell. Who is the _real_ Draco Malfoy? What made you change sides?" she asked, and I was tempted to humor her, ask her if she had a notepad to write to, like another, younger but equally ambitious, Rita Skeeter.

"I had been my father's pawn for too long, Mia. I guess you could say, I grew tired of being used." I said, thoughtfully glancing outside the window "So, after many years of inaction, I decided to rebel." I laughed bitterly, remembering the day I went to Potter.

It took veritaserum, legilimency _and_ the Unbreakable Vow, for him to, reluctantly, trust that, at least, I wasn't sent to the Light Side by Voldemort himself, in some sort of a plot.

"But, why?" she required, gently, and I looked at her with a sad smile.

"Because, it doesn't matter if we were Purebloods or Muggle-borns, Gryffindors or Slytherins. At the end of the day, we were all just a bunch of _kids_, who got caught up in the middle of a war, that we couldn't fully understand. And it wasn't fair." I replied truthfully, sadness still lingering in my voice.

"What was the _catalyst_? What was the last straw that broke the camel's back?" she whispered in such a way, one, who wasn't aware of our situation, would think was conspiratorial.

Her body-language, suggested anxiety and uneasiness. She was sitting at the edge of her chair, hands grabbing the table tightly, as if afraid she might fall. Every couple of seconds, her eyes would travel around the room, ostensibly with a need to confirm no one was listening in, to our conversation. An unnecessary motion, since the shop had remained empty.

"Oddly, as it might seem, it was_ Luna_." I replied, and, from the way her eyes widened, that wasn't the answer she expected.

For a moment, I contemplated the thought of revealing my deepest secret. One I hadn't admit aloud to anyone. A terrifying thought, to someone with _my_ defensive mechanisms, indeed.

"Care to elaborate?" she asked hopefully. And the innocent curiosity, and the fact that I now had the tendency to believe my secrets were _safe_ with Hermione, after all she hadn't reveal the content of our 'Christmas discussion' to a living soul, I decided to take a leap of faith.

"Let me tell you a story first." I started, coaxing her with a gesture of my hand to relax, and tide over her seat. Upon her puzzled expression, I had to resist the urge to chuckle.

"You would remember, of course, how much I despised everyone when we were at Hogwarts?" I asked with an embarrassed expression, and reveled at her gracious nature when she only nodded, and passed the chance to comment on the _horrid_ question.

"Well, that's not entirely true." I admitted and raised my hand to silence her questions, assuming automatically she would have lots. My ego flared slightly, when she snapped her mouth shut, and I confirmed that 6 years in the same school with someone, even if you _don't_ get along well, are enough to teach you _something_ about them.

"I'm not aware if you had noticed, but after 2nd year, I used to let Crabbe and Goyle deal with my every-day skirmishes. I stopped talking to people in person, thus displaying my _superiority_." I explained with a grimace at the last sentence. To this day, I haven't been able to, completely, surpass the foolishness of my behavior.

"You would insult only 7 students personally. And that number includes Harry, Ron and myself." she responded and I paused, mouth gaping, in a horrifically unattractive manner.

"My, my, Granger. I'm shocked. Observing the _enemy_ usually is a Slytherin's characteristic." I couldn't help but remark, but, wishing to not change our topic just yet, I continued, asking her if she knew the names of the remaining 4.

"Luna Lovewood, Neville Longbottom, Cormac McLaggen, Terence Higgs. With a Hufflepuff instead of two Gryffindors, that would be _one_ student from each House. One would thing you were a _collector_, of sorts." she stated raising an eyebrow, her eyes shining, probably from intuition, as she was about to learn the reasons behind my choices.

"I chose Luna for her never ending grace. I was forever poking, to test her limits, waiting for the moment I would pass the much expected, to me, line and she would, at least, glare at me. She _never_ did. She would always greet me with a smile." A wave of gratitude for the tiny witch, with the purest of hearts, made mine swell inside my chest."I was always 'Draco' to her, never 'Malfoy'. That's why Luna is... _special_ to me."

Ah, my sweet Luna. As a child, I spent a lot of my years wishing I had a sibling. In 4th year, at the Yule Ball, when I saw Luna dancing around the Great Hall alone, I decided that if I had a twin sister I would _wish_ she was like her. Strong, independent, confident, graceful and wise. Seeing her, at Malfoy Manor's dungeons in 7th year, was so hard for me. So pale, and thinner than usual, which considering her petite size, is a very disturbing thought. I ordered Kiki, my most trusted house-elf, to feed her in secret. From what Kiki told me, Luna always shared the extra food with Mr Ollivander, and later with Dean Thomas and Griphook the goblin.

Hermione's face held such surprise and wonder like no other. I waited patiently for her to absorb the information, and wave her hand for me to carry on.

"Neville, because he needed someone to tough him up a bit. Also, I needed someone to shrank away from me with fear, like a helpless animal in front of a raging fire. He was the most faint-hearted Gryffindor, Hogwarts had ever seen. And he had his parents death to revenge, much like Potter, but no Dumbledore to guide him. In a way, I wanted to be _Neville's Dumbledore_."

I knew this wouldn't make any sense, to her. It took me 2 years to understand my intentions with Neville. Though, it took him 6 years to stand up for himself. I like to think I had _some_ credit for his, heroic, 7th year. To be honest, I believe it was mostly based on the fact that Harry was missing from school. Which is a shame, because Neville _is_ a leading figure. He just, had never believed in his potential. When I saw him denying the Dark Lord bluntly, and killing Nagini, I almost cheered for him out loud.

"McLaggen, for entertainment. His arrogance exceeded mine. And that's saying something. I wanted to show him that he couldn't be a Gryffindor and carry the peculiarities of a Slytherin. That he had _no right_ to do so. Plus, in 6th year, someone had to teach him to keep his hands on himself."

That pathetic excuse for a wizard! Striding every day around the castle, as if he owned the bloody building. In 6th year he had the nerve to set his, big and clumsy, foot inside _MY_ Slytherin Common Room. When I saw him snogging the daylights out of Tracey Davis, I almost blew up the east side of the dungeons. The girl was 2 years below us, for Merlin's sake! _I_ wouldn't touch her, and he had her on top of him, inside _MY_ House! I never understood the way Cormac's mind worked. _'Anyway, I'm getting beside myself here_.'

_'Where was I? Ah...'_

"And, lastly, Higgs. He was the Slytherin Prince. And I took- No. I _grabbed_ everything he had. His team and his place as a Seeker, his mates, his girls. Even his dormitory, when I got older. I _ripped_ him of his reputation as the fear and dread of the younger students, and, thus, I became the Slytherin King."

Now, Terence, was an honest mistake of my estimation. I was motivated from my father's ideas, who always kept pushing me to rise above the average students. To become a Slytherin _legend_. To take everything I wanted, no matter the cost.

It wasn't Lucius's fault either, though. He was following his father's, Abraxas's, teachings, who was following his father's, Arcturus's, teachings, and so on and so forth, all the years back to the very _first_ one of The Malfoys, Orion.

I should have been able to realize sooner, that one should think for himself, if he doesn't wish to spent his life as a _puppet_.

When I finished the epic speech, epic for I had never confide so much about myself to _anyone_, I was greeted with stunned silence. Not that I was surprised, these were a lot to take in. Even for someone as perceptive as Hermione Granger.

After all,_ I_ had a hard time to recognise the true reasons of my peculiar behavior, towards these people. In the beginning, I was under the, false, impression that they were my _toys_. The ones that irritated me the most, and so I wished to gain the satisfaction of bring them down by myself. No _bodyguards_, just me. As time passed, I started to notice I _cared_ for them, in a bizarre way.

_Luna_, because of my need to be close to her. I wanted to _make_ her my sister, even if she hadn't been born to be.

_Neville_, because he was always at the sidelines. Never the _center_ of someone's attention. I decided to alter the fact.

_Cormac_, because he was pureblood, rich and handsome. Not as much as I, but he was _adequate_. And he kept screwing that up with his irrational behavior.

_Terence_, because of guilt. He was a Slytherin, in some ways a 'brother', and I _betrayed_ him. I could have waited my turn, for the title of the Prince of the House, but I chose to push him out of the way, before his time to resign.

"Well... That was-" she started saying, and I couldn't help, but voice, my concerns "Not, terribly, tiresome I hope?" I asked resting my eyes on the floor for one, unknown to me, reason.

"What? Oh, no. Certainly not. It was rather enlightening. I should thank you, really. For being so honest and open with me." she blushed a light pink, a motion I instantly categorised as my favorite one, of her physical reactions.

"It's a great feeling, Granger." I sighed "This relief, I'm feeling. Had I known it helps so much, talking to someone, I would have tied you in chains, to _make_ you listen to me." I said with a mischievous smirk.

She frowned her eyebrows, and I bit my tongue, believing I took it too far. Listening to what I have to say, doesn't automatically means that she _trusts_ me. I shouldn't take such things for granted. Although it's frustrating, the way I have to be on guard with her, I wouldn't change anything. I knew it was one of the prices I had to pay, to gain back a credibility that no one, ever, cared to give me.

She shook her head, and I wished I was lucky enough for her to have been in a trace, thinking, and hadn't heard a word I said.

"I have to get back to work." she groaned "This was _nice_." She continued, hesitantly, and I clearly heard regret in her voice. She didn't want to leave. It wasn't just my mind, playing games. I smiled.

"Well, it's a good thing we're going to meet _again_ tomorrow, then." I told her, bluntly.

"And, when we agreed to do so?" she required, wrapping her arms across her chest.

"I haven't told you why, I picked _The Golden Trio_, yet." I informed her with a smirk, reminding her, I were, _incidentally_, a Slytherin.

"You, sneaky, little stinker!" she exclaimed, but then laughed at my cunningness, and I found it easy to join her.

"Who am I? Your _psychologist_?" she inquired, and I looked at her, puzzled.

"My... what?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, irritated with my lack of knowledge for the word she used.

But, with a triumphant smile, she got up from her chair and started walking towards the exit.

"Never, you mind, Malfoy. I'll explain it to you, some other time. I'll owl you!" she called over her shoulder, and I was left dumbfounded in my position, staring at the -now empty- space, across my seat, she had occupied.

"Two can play this game, huh?" I mused, standing up to apparate, after I paid the most infuriating waitress in the entire wizarding world, a rare feeling of _excitement_ running in my veins.

* * *

**A/N: **_Madam Puddifoot's teashop - _**is located on a side street off the main road in Hogsmeade. Usually couples go there on _dates_.**

_The Three Broomsticks - _**a pub owned by Madam Rosmerta, in Hogsmeade.**

_The Hog's Head -_ **a dingy pub owned by Dumbledore's brother, Aberforth, also in Hogsmeade.**

_The Leaky Cauldron - _**is a pub and inn for wizards, located on the muggle street of Charing Cross Road in London.**

_suitors of Penelope_ - **Penelope was the wife of the king of Ithaca, Odysseus **_(Ulysses in Roman mythology)_**. She waits 20 years, for the final return of her husband, during which she has a hard time snubbing marriage proposals from 108 odious suitors.**

_Tracey Davis_ - **was actually in the same year with Draco Malfoy, but for the benefit of my story I moved her 2 years bellow him.**

_Terence Higgs_ - **was a wizard, and a Slytherin student at Hogwarts School. He was the Slytherin Quidditch team Seeker during the 1991–1992 season, but was replaced by Draco Malfoy in 1992.**

_Blue Moonstone Tea_ -** The brand is actually **Blue Moon Tea**, but I wanted to make it sound like it could be something served in a wizarding teashop. **Moonstone** is an ingredient used in various potions (including the Draught of Peace), sometimes in powdered form.**

**And... there you have it!  
**

**You know what to do if you liked this chapter, ****or if you have to point out any mistakes, or give me some tips. Anything really ;)**

**Also, I have a question. Is my rating correct? I can't seem to be able to compare this story with respective texts in Greek, so please help me on this one. **

**If I have to change the rating let me know. :)**

**Again, have a Happy New Year!**


	4. Who I Am, Who I'm Not, Who I Wanna Be

**A/N: So... this chapter is a bit smaller, but it's the one with 'New Year's Eve'. And after this, I get to focus on the story more. I tried desperately to keep up with the actual dates of the holidays, but I live away from my family's town, and I didn't have the time to travel and publish the story's chapter properly. **

**Anyway... that was me boring you with details :D now go on, read! oh and don't forget to review!  
**

**Disclaimer: ** I do NOT own any of the characters. They belong to JKRowling. The plot belongs somewhat to me, although it's not terribly original so I cannot properly claim it.

**Notes:** _italics_ in single quotes ( ' ' ) are thoughts, without quotes they are spells and/or something I wish to punctuate.

* * *

My favorite room, at the Manor, had always been my study. Mostly because my father _never_ set foot inside, thus, I could store any book I wanted, even from muggle authors, by simply charming them to appear as textbooks.

I had quite the collection, arranged neatly in four shelves that reached from floor to ceiling, but nowhere near as many books, as inside the family's library, which was almost 2,5 times larger than the one in Hogwarts.

A heavy desk, made of rosewood in a dark brown shade, was located diagonally across the marble fireplace, and on the other side of the room there was a leather couch, with a low coffee table and two armchairs.

This room was my _sanctuary_, the only place I could think freely. The only place I could hide, from my 'destiny' as a Death Eater, to pretend, even for a moment, that I could trace a path on my own, go where _I_ wanted to go, do what _I_ wanted to do, without fear that the next mission would be my last.

It was the place where I began to dispute the misleading road I was following, burying myself deeper and deeper inside the darkness, like a faithful lapdog.

I always thought I had perfectly good reasons to hate Harry Potter. The, nerve-racking, Golden Boy, always got away, with anything he did. Even at school, and he was quite the rule-breaker, he rarely got detention. Everyone, in the wizarding world, knew his name, everyone treated him like he was important, like he was the apple in their eyes. I was convinced he had disgraced me, when he had rejected my offer of friendship, on our 1st year.

For a long time, I had _fooled_ myself into thinking I was right.

Growing up, and being forced to become a Death Eater, showed me that these weren't the reasons why I hated the raven-haired boy. I hated him because Harry Potter had _survived_ Voldemort. He had _cheated_ death, that night at his parents house. And then, it was 16 years later and _I_ was the one who had to pay the price for that.

_No_ Harry Potter would have meant _No_ Voldemort. And _I_ would have had the chance to be a _normal_ teen-aged wizard.

Two years later, somewhere between the terrible missions I was sent to, by my 'master', the destruction of Hogwarts, the only place I felt as home as a child, and watching kids, I had passed seven years in classrooms with, being tortured for nothing, I developed a _conscience_.

With clear eyes, I saw that Harry and I had something in common.  
We were, _both_, victims of the same monster.  
For very different reasons, but still, having a price to pay, without our fault or cause or action.

Voldermort caused his own ruin, because he attacked in a baby. And for what reason? For a _prophecy_.  
I had always passionately despised Divination. Learning about the supposed prophecy, merely strengthened that fact.  
The Dark Lord, afraid of a child, because when Harry would grow up, it was supposed to be the end, for Voldemort's power.

What reason would he had?  
What reason would Harry had, to go after the Dark Lord, if the last hadn't murdered his parents?

All this killing and bloodshed, because Tom Riddle was a _fool_.  
A wounded child, whom his muggle father had abandon, because Tom had been _different_. And with his mother dead, he became an orphan, and that destroyed him forever.

So this, was how someone acts, when his life is destroyed?  
He puts on target to destroy the lives of all others?

He could have become a great wizard, he was powerful enough to do so, and he _chose_ to become the worst nightmare of the Wizarding World. Why? Because he was hurt and, as I said before, had a tendency towards self-destruction.

Maybe someone, who has more compassion than me, could think that Tom was desperately screaming for a little attention, early in his life. From someone, _anyone_. Maybe if Dumbledore had been his mentor, as he had done with Harry, things would have had a different outcome.

But I cannot find it fair, to try to justify his actions. I never believed in destiny. We are our choices. Tom's, was the worst possible. He wanted, not just to be great, but to become the one and only.

That was his _mistake_. To walk over corpses, in order to accomplish what you want, never came out well, for anyone. I am a _Slytherin_, but I won't hide from this truth. Not anymore.

Closing my eyes briefly, I pinched my nose between my thumb and index finger, exhaling slowly, to shake the thoughts out of my head. Spending time with Granger, has caused a ceaseless remembrance maze, coursing through my brain, lately.

A soft 'pop' was heard, and I opened my eyes to find Kiki, standing shyly in front of my desk.

"Master Draco, Kiki is sorry to bother you, sir." the elf stuttered, looking at the floor.

"Kiki, do I have to _order_ you to not call me that?" I asked sighing. The word reminded me too much of Voldemort, to be able to tolerate it.

"Kiki is sorry, sir." she asked, eyes starting to water up, even though I had never in my life punished her for anything.

Kiki was the house-elf my mother assigned to look after me, when I was born, thus, I had always been too attached to the little bugger, to treat her with anything but respect.

"Kiki came to tell you, you have a floo-call, sir. It's Hermione Granger, sir." she said and, I looked at her stupidly for a few seconds.

"Oh! uh, pass the call through, in here please Kiki. And add Hermione to the list, for future calls." I requested, to keep Hermione from waiting, for me to accept the call, from now on. Then, I walked briskly towards the fireplace.

"Hello, Malfoy." The familiar face appeared, inside the burning flames, and, for a moment, I thought it was a shame I couldn't see her hair via floo-calls.

"Pardon me, Mia, have you been waiting long?" I asked, and chuckled, when she tried to shake her head negatively, needless to say it didn't work.

"Well, yes. But I had in mind that _you_, of all people, would have a filter, for your calls." she laughed, when I switched my weight from one foot to the other, in embarrassment.

"So, was there a particular reason you called or...?" I asked, after clearing my throat.

"Oh right! I can't make it for today's...uh..._session_, I'm terribly sorry." she answered, and I, mentally, chastised myself.

'_What have you expected she would say, Draco? That she missed you terribly, and couldn't help but call, to hear your voice? Oh honestly, what am I? 13 year old girl having her first crush?_'

Shaking my head, to clear the disturbing thoughts, I couldn't dial my curiosity down a bit, and I asked her why she wouldn't be able to meet with me.

"Ronald managed to return, from _River Piddle_ for some vacation, and I promised I'd be at The Burrow, tonight. Mrs Weasley is so excited he's here, she decided to host a little gathering, to welcome him." she explained, and I mentally sighed.

"Oh ,that's nice." I replied, and had a deja vu, of Harry and I having a similar conversation, at the Christmas Ball.

_'What was it with Weasley, that made my brain go blank, and my blood boil? After all, I didn't hate him anymore. Well, maybe just a little. Solely because it was a part of my... legacy, kind of.'_

_'What was his relationship, with Hermione again? Where they still together? I had heard, a year ago, that they had parted, but no one knew why. I had asked Luna, once, but she hadn't-' _

_'Wait... Why do I care whether they are together or not, again?'_

_'Was that my name?'_

"DRACO!"

I stared at the flaming head of Hermione, stupidly. The first time she says my name, and I didn't even hear it. Apparently my gray matter decided to abandon my head, for the day.

"Huh?" Was my, _oh so eloquent_, question.

"Are you feeling ill?" she asked, with a thin lace of worry in her tone.

"I'm perfectly fine, thank you. I was thinking about something I read." Better for her to believe I'm being rude. "Anyway, shall we reschedule, for the day after tomorrow, then?" I asked, not really paying attention to what I was saying.

"Um, you do realize that would be _New Year's Eve_. Don't you?" she asked, and I cursed thinking that, by now, she probably thinks I have the intellectual abilities of a snail.

"Yes, of course. I meant the day _after_ that." I released a nervous laugh, while measuring the distance between the spot I was currently standing and the nearest wall. Would she notice if I was to go bang my head against it and return, quickly, back?

"Where are you spending New Year's Eve?" I asked, desperate to save the, hopeless, situation. I was certain she already had plans, but I was unrepentant to try.

"With my parents in London, and later at The Burrow. You?" she replied and though I knew what the answer would be, I couldn't help the disappointment.

"Naturally." I nodded my head. "Well, Mother and I are hosting a dinner, at the Manor, nothing fancy, only family members will attend." I said staring at the floor.

"Oh. And you thought of inviting _me_?" She asked surprised.

"I thought_ Teddy_ might like it, if you would join us." I replied smoothly, mentally patting myself on the back, for my quick-thinking.

"Uh-huh" she said thoughtfully. "Oh! I have to leave, Malfoy. Ginny is here to pick me up. I'll see you soon." she continued and, without waiting for an answer, her face vanished from the fireplace.

And I did, get re-acquaintant with my study's wall.

* * *

**_New Year's Eve..._**

Dinner passed quite pleasantly. Teddy was very excited, over the gifts he received, and listening to the stories the rest of us had for Hogwarts. He seemed eager to spend Christmas surrounded by the magic that flooded the castle and the grounds. Even though, he clarified, he would miss everyone terribly, when his schooling years would began.

I looked around the large table, of the main dining room of the Manor, pleased yet thoughtful. It's moments like these, that I tend to think of how much _resemblance_ there is between Wizards and Muggles. Muggles also do something like this, during the last evening of every December. Gathered in families, and maybe some friends, they eat, laugh, tell stories from their past, and talk about their hopes for the future.

Growing up, father took great care of punctuating how _different_ we are. Not just wizards and muggles, but wizards among _themselves_. Yet, here I am, a pureblood, celebrating the arrival of a new year with my family. Nymphadora, is a half-blood, but she does the _same_. And, somewhere in London, Hermione will pass a, _somewhat similar_, evening with her Muggle parents. And millions of people, all over the world, are in a _similar position_ to any of us three magical beings.

It was hard to accept it, at first. I was blinded by theories and lies. It took me forever to understand that muggles _are_ human beings. They go to school, they make friends, they create families, they work to be able to have what they need, they dream contemplating on how to get what they want. Much like Wizards, just without magical abilities.

When I thought of the situation that way, it was no longer possible for me to understand why father found muggles to be so _repulsive_. Lucius always supported the view that it was _derogatory_ to socialize with muggles. They did jobs which, in our world, we had house-elves for. After some time, and studying things from my perspective, I started to feel grateful. I acknowledged the privileges I had in my life, that others around me hadn't, and I felt lucky.

Thus, I learned about _compassion_. How I didn't have the right to mistreat the creatures, my father believed to be beneath me. Because nobody was below me, it just happened that _I_ was more fortunate. If my family hadn't had wealth and power, perhaps I wouldn't have been very different, from those I used to flaunt these benefits at. I had, for a long time, been embroiled in a mistake, that taught me I was a _higher_ being. While I wasn't. Not in the slightest.

I think, when I realized that, it was _the catalyst_ Hermione asked me about, the other day. I believe it was then I truly began to change.

Aunt-Meda patted my arm lightly, waking me from my trance, and reminded me it was time to relocate our celebration at the terrace. Every year, for the last three, we would gather outside, to watch magical fireworks swirling above the Malfoy grounds, for the last minutes before the New Year's beginning.

As broomsticks, giants, dragons, owls, and everything else you could possibly imagine, were dancing on the nocturnal sky... I stood beside Nymphadora, who was desperately trying to restrain an overly enthusiastic Teddy, from mounting his broom to reach the 'pwetty lights'.

I smiled, thankful for the family I've been graced with.

* * *

**A/N: I think you understand, by this point, that my story's 'Draco' is very very different from the character in the books or the movies of Harry Potter. **

**I wanted to give him a chance to fully redeem himself. This isn't just about Hermione, it's about, almost, everyone Draco has misjudged through his past. About trying to make a clean start in his life. So... tell me what you think about that. **

**Oh! Little **Teddy Lupin** is about 4 or 5 years old in this story.  
**

**Also, if you have anything to point out, or correct me about, ****you know what to do... :)  
**

**I want to thank my reviewers so far... Dirty Things, slytherinprincess02, neojedigoddess, twistedartist, project gotham, FantasyIsTheNewReal and every single one of the readers, and those who favorated my story, or added me on their alert list. **

**Thank you guys! :)**


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